I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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