What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
