oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Welp...herpes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
