Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We need to rekindle our bromance
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
