those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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