I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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