my soul wont recognize me after tonight
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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