Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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