this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize