only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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