I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
