so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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