Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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