Can i not drive my cunt home
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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