His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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