If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
