oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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