I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
