I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
