The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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