grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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