We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
