if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
