I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
