I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
