jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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