Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Actions speak louder than pants.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
