He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
