I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
