Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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