Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
