Will you blow on my dice?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
