Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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