so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
