You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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