Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
