How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
