Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
