forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
