im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
