meet me or not, i'm out of control
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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