question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.