I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
should my penis look like a turkey
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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