Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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