My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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