Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.