Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you