she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.