I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
