hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
