so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
