So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
