I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
