Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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