Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
