Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
