Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
