Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
