Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Come on in and take your pants off
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