It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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