We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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