i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
