So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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