I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
