Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
