A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
