White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
