those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
