Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
