best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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