Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
