Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
