you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
