if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
