I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
