he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
