I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am one with the molecules
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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