She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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