1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
