could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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