dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just invented taco cereal.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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