i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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