So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
