i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
