I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
