Please, let me fuck your mom
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
